Prowling Magus & Congregation
- Magus (HP:1100)
- Priest (HP:900)
Skills: Dark Orb, Wrath Of Gods, Sunlight Spear, Heal
Souls: 7000

Difficulty: 0.5/5
Deaths: 0

Now you've got 2 places to go 2 and 2 bosses to beat before you head off to kill your 2nd soul lord. Head through the Doors Of Pharros (which is one of the most beautiful areas in the game, mind you) and into a secluded cave area. Head to the end to find lots of spiders, and at the end of it all, a fog gate. You know what awaits you by now. No fear, only determination, now, walk through to find...simply one of the worst designed and easily the easiest boss in the game. Hold your questions...allow me to introduce, the Prowling Magus & Congregation.

Wtf are you guys even DOING?!

These guys are a complete joke. Its like "From" thought it was a good idea to slap a bunch of normal enemies together and decided to call it a boss. Yeah, that's right, stupid. Like the Pinwheel boss in the first game, its almost impossible to lose to these guys, the battle would be over INSTANTLY when you swing your blade on them a couple of times. In fact, this battle shouldn't last longer than 10 seconds, with a proper weapon, these guys go down in a couple of hits. They don't even have a lot of attacks that can deal major damage to you individually, its a 110% stomp unless you literally STAND there and let them maul you.

Dark Orb - Magus attack. Just like the spell itself that you can use, he simply launches a dark sphere at you that does damage. Easily dodged.

Wrath Of Gods - Magus attack. Same as the usable miracle with the same name. He emits a force that knocks you back and does minor damage. Only used when you are nearby, just muscle through it and use the opportunity to hit him.

Sunlight Spear - Priest attack. Same as the usable miracle with same name. Launches a straightforward projectile that does moderate damage and can stun you for a brief period. Easily dodged.

Heal - Priest only. Does an AOE heal that slightly restores the HP of his nearby allies. Canceled when attacked.

There's one Magus, a couple of priests, and a bunch of regular, zombie dudes. This battle is easy as all hell. The zombies fall to a couple of swings, have nothing to hit you with except for piss poor arm swipes with crappy range that do almost no damage. Their only purpose is to stun lock or distract you as the Magus and priests cast their long range attacks on you. Dispatch the zombies at the very start of the battle as you come in, as they are all bunched up together. A couple of swings can take out the majority of them instantly.

Next up are the Magus and the priests themselves. Without the zombies tanking for them, they have almost nothing to defend themselves with. The Magus is the easiest target, with his tall body and size. He will attempt to defend himself with Wrath Of Gods, but simply hit him a couple of times to continuously stun lock him to his death without him being able to do anything. The Priests, if nearby, will attempt to heal him, or if far away, throw sunlight spears at you. When the Magus falls, just go after the priests, they don't even have melee spells to keep you at bay.

You get 7000 souls, but of course, we're not going to be satisfied with this piece of shit boss. When you're ready, head to Doors Of Pharros for a REAL challenge.


Royal Ray Authority
HP: 4330
Skills: Lunge*, Twin Paw Strike*, Acidic Pool*
Souls: 14000

Difficulty: 4/5
Deaths: 15+

Now this, this is a boss in its true sense. While you may never expect something this vile, dirty and horrifying in the glorious pathways of the Doors Of Pharros, there it is, sitting there, laughing at you as you constantly die to poison. This guy is so awesome that you can't even summon ANYONE to aid you. That's right, this boss is fought solo, and its a little unfair because the Royal Rat Authority itself does not fight you alone. I remember thinking that this was a battle that had to be won to continue the story, and fought him again and again, having to die countless of times. This giant rat is an ass, and if you think of him as another Sif, you're wrong. He's BETTER than Sif.

Dear god please, please let it all end.

The Royal Rat Authority is a f**king douche bag. The battle starts with him sleeping on top of a giant ledge, without giving a care about anything in the world. In his boss room sits a bunch of smaller rats, that inflict poison on you as they hit you. The moment you enter his room, these rats swarm you. As you fight them, the big bastard wakes up, flies across the screen without you ever knowing. When you kill the rats breathing a sigh of relief, to your dismay, you see a health bar appear on the bottom of your screen. You turn around to witness true horror. A giant, effing rat with the majestic poise of a lion, waiting to maul you for breakfast. You ARE its breakfast.

Lunge* - He lunges at you after cocking his head downwards for massive damage. This attack is fast, its unpredictable, and has the most cock sucking hitbox I've ever seen. This piece of shit even hits you when you are BEHIND him. Blocking takes up ALL your stamina, stunning you and leaving you open for his next attack. Do some godly rolls TOWARDS him to dodge, any other alternative just leads you to getting hit.

Twin Paw Strike* - Once again, this attack has an unforgiving hitbox. He hits you with one of his paws when you are in front of him, then hits you with the other shortly after. Blocking takes up needlessly huge amounts of stamina, so rolling away is best. For some reason, when you are standing under his belly, this still hits you, and its unblockable from there. Go figure.

Acidic Pool* - He staggers for a short moment, then barfs up a massive pool of acid around him. When I mean massive, I mean MASSIVE, this thing is f**king HUGE. Standing in it will almost instantly poison you for good damage, but it also degrades your equipment. When you see him barf, run the f**k away as fast as you can.

There are many factors that hinge towards your survival for this battle. For one, the smaller rats. You need to kill them FAST, and without getting poisoned. Since they all attack you immediately, you have a chance to wipe them out in one fell swoop, but if you fail, you are pretty much screwed. If they hit you and poison you, you are screwed as well, might as well let the boss you kill and restart. You have NO time to stop and rest once you defeat those little guys, because the Royal Rat Authority is RIGHT BEHIND YOU as you landed the first hit on those small f**ks. Immediately after killing them, prepare to turn around to block, roll, or simply run the hell away to a safe spot to get your bearings straight. If you can't kill those little guys fast enough, and you'd have to take the boss on alongside those guys, you'd get overwhelmed in an instant.

Oh boy, its coming!

The Royal Rat Authority itself only has 3 attacks, but note that out of these 3 attacks, 2 of them hit very hard, are extremely unpredictable, and can swing the battle in his favor after hitting you just ONCE. The boss is HUGE, WAY bigger than Sif ever was. Because of that, you can easily run to his underbelly, where hitting him would be best. Problem is, he hits so awkwardly that even while under his belly, you still take damage. Yeah, its unreal. First of all, do not lock onto this boss. Do not fight him head on, face to face like a man, because you will almost always lose. His Lunge and Paw Strikes cover so much area that they are almost impossible to dodge by rolling sideways or backwards, and blocking them takes too much stamina, so what's the plan?

Do not lock on, but keep your eyes on the vile fellow. Maintain as little distance between you and him as possible. When he lunges or goes for the strikes, run BENEATH his belly, go TOWARDS him as the attack animation plays out. If you are already beneath his belly as the attack animation plays, you are F**KED, but if you are just rolling towards him as he attacks, you are SAFE. Keep this in mind and you'd be able to dodge out his 2 primary attacks, but do note that if you take a single hit, the damage is pretty severe, and you'd have to heal to get back into the game. This guy...does not let you heal, good luck trying to find a time to flask up, cause he attacks quickly and relentlessly. His attacks have little recovery time.

This is a lie.

When you get him low, he starts to use his final attack, the Acidic Pool. This is just a cheap attempt to degrade your armor. When yous see him cock his head back to barf up the acid, just run away. Don't look back, the radius is crazy huge, and stepping into that thing is suicide. Immediately after he finishes throwing up, he gets back to attacking you, with the pool still spilling all around. Do not accidentally roll into it, just don't. At this point, he should be close to death, keep up the tactics you've done thus far and take this beast down into submission. For a massive rat, he admittedly does not have a lot of health or defenses, keep going at it and he goes down eventually.

This vile beast nets you a meager 14000 souls, not worth it for the effort needed to kill him, honestly. You also get to talk to the rat king and join his covenant. After what I just went through, I think not, you f**king rat face.

Peace, more to come.